I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
