I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
