Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
