You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
