I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
