he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
