i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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