Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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