She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
