This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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