Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
