so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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