Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dignity is for republicans.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
