If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
