that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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