i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
