____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yo dont text me then not text me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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