Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
