I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
