nut hugger
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
