Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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