So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
