They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
