Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
