Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
