Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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