Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
