you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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