At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
it's like heaven, but drunker
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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