Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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