i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
