In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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