sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
