i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
