he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
