mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
