First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
