If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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