My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You dont lie about slip and slides
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
