After last night, I could never be a politician.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
