Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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