Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
