I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
