i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
