just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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