my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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