You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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