Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
