You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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