matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I should be sponsored by Trojan
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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