Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
