ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
