They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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