i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
