Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
