Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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