Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
