I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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