I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
