I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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